anxieties, anxieties!...

Remember the DVD I told you about? The one following 6 individuals in their preparation for the big race. Well, it arrived this week!! I really felt like watching it straight away but somehow I felt that I could not watch it alone. Finally I decided to watch it together with a friend on Friday evening and in the end I was so glad that I choose not to watch it by myself.

I felt that the movie would be really emotional and dramatic and it managed to change my point of view on the marathon. Feeling secure and really prepared when I tought about my training schedule, the movie really blew me away.

Following these 6 individuals preparing for the big race and their different reasons for doing it made me clear why I choose to run this race. Watching their training and progression on different levels showed me that the preparation is can be different for each and every person but, in the end you'll always run the race alone.

The two professional runners approached the race in such a different way as they did it for a living. I understood how hard running as a job can be, at some point, you do get to your personal limit and you will never be able to get over it. Being a very good runner, but never being the best, always finishing second or third place must be hard to cope with...!I could never run with such pressure on my back.

Seeing the amateur runners I saw that no matter how hard you train, whether alone or in a group, you nevertheless hit the wall during the race. And while running it, you do it alone without anyone that is really able to help you. Seeing them struggle made me realize how hard it will be for me and how I really need to concentrate and talk myself into not giving up.

After the movie was finished I had these mixed feelings... seeing those succeed and cry tears of joy made me really want to go out there and run the marathon. But seeing them struggle during the race made me clearer than ever that this was about total mental control. I am not the person to talk myself into things and I do not see myself as a strong person, but for the last kilometers of the race, this will be exactly what I need to do.

I mean, I can run and I never had to force myself to go running but this will be more than just telling myself to put the trainers on and go out there.

It might be hard to understand for those of you who do not know what the marathon is all about, but being confronted with this documentary just made me anxious and I felt like screaming out loud.

I'll try to stay as focused as ever. No matter what happens, I' ll take my training serious because I know that after crossing the finish line I can achieve everything and really proof something to myself.

Another thing we looked at after the movie, was the course from the Brighton Marathon. Yeah, probably not the best idea...if you wanna have a look, here's the link: http://brightonmarathon.co.uk/course.html.

Yes! It's a looooong way to run...!

Hmm...I don't know whether anything I said makes any sense. I am tired but felt like writing this down as a way to share my anxiety but I feel that I'll not be able to really express it to anyone. Also I did go on a 17 km fast run through the English rain today and it felt like a relief as it was the first time after the movie that I actually went for a really long run...

Oh and a BIG thank you to Pol who watched the movie with me! Thank you so much for doing this and thank you for the support after I started getting really nervous afterwards...! It means a lot to me!